In baseball when a pitcher is doing well (striking everyone out) they say he is in a zone. His fastball, curve ball, split finger, slider are all probably working for him! He can do no wrong. He’s got the right stuff. When a pitcher is getting lit up (hit on) they say he’s lost his stuff, no zone, throwing up junk. He typically gets pulled for a relief pitcher. But if a pitcher does get lucky enough to stay in a zone for 9 innings, 27 batters, 27 outs, no walks, they say that pitcher has pitched a perfect game. In the history of baseball few pitchers have ever thrown a no-hitter and even fewer have ever pitched a perfect game and no pitcher has ever pitched two consecutive perfect games in a row. Never. Ever.
For some men perfection can be a curse. A ghost they end up chasing for the rest of their lives. Others just quit rather than face the certainty of constant disappointment. Without question the quest to the top of the pyramid is certainly much more enjoyable than defending the crown. Consistency in achievement on or off the field can be paralyzing to men. The bedroom is no different.
At the beginning of every relationship a man is attempting to throw his good stuff. He goes all out. He stands up on the mound, winds up and tries to put one over home plate. Right in the pocket. Flowers, dinner, massage, foreplay, doubles, triples, homeruns. Sometimes, and I mean rarely, it’s magic, euphoria, time stops and even the gods give a standing ovation. For that moment the man was perfect. The perfect lover! Now keep in mind the male is proud of himself but somewhere deep inside regardless of how happy he is with his performance anxiety quickly sets in. “Oh my God! What if she thinks I can pull this off every time?! What if she thinks this is just my run of the mill day to day stuff? I’d kill myself if I had to try and pull this off again!” Panic has taken over the man. He has become his own worst enemy. “Why in God’s name did I have to set the sexual bar so high?! Should I run or confess? No, better that she think I’m a sex god than admit I’m human. I’ll run.”
You know what happens next? Nothing. The phone doesn’t ring, the man doesn’t call. If it’s the beginning of the relationship it becomes the ends. The confused gal whose world was rocked thinks she was just played when in reality the man just has sophomore jitters or is afraid of a “Sophomore Jinx.” All men know that no pitcher has ever thrown two perfect games and the likelihood he’s going to be the first is slim and none. The sad part to this story is this couple actually did have magic, did make time stop but now it’s lost because most non pig-headed men who care about a woman’s feelings at some level are insecure. It’s that insecurity that allows boys to be heroes, fight wars, become scholars, become dads, become men. Men do great things to squelch insecurity and as we get older it gets smaller but it never goes away entirely. If as a woman you can see through our bravado there might be a few relationships you can save before it’s too late.
If you’re dating and perfection shines on you in the bedroom, make a point to let him know as a reward next time he gets to sit it out while you take charge. Men, whether they admit it or not, love to be made love to. We don’t always need or want to be in control.
If you’re in a relationship already and you sense signs of performance anxiety, take the bull by the horns (literally) and relieve a little tension. Men don’t get headaches in the bedroom, it’s just sometimes they don’t feel like going nine innings. It’s your job to be the relief pitcher every now and then.
by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
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