Congratulations ladies. The world of diamond jewelry advertising has discovered that you have a right hand.
While this may come as quite a shock to you and many may doubt what I’m saying, I can clearly prove that what I’m saying is fact, not folly. Please look over to your left hand/arm. It’s the hand/arm where you will find your engagement ring, wedding band or watch, (assuming you’re right handed; of course if you are, then I don’t have to prove anything to you. You knew when we started this exercise you had a right hand!) Take your left hand and make a clapping sound. The hand you just hit is called your right hand! I know, I had to repeat the exercise a few times myself before I believed I had a right hand. What a shock!
Then I was informed that apparently these “right hand rings” aren’t for me (guys). Note to diamond advertising company: When will you publicly acknowledge that men have right hands, too? Will it be next year? Year after? I know, it’s not all about me. I was just curious. Anyway, the Diamond Trading Company (formerly known as DeBeers) is spending millions of dollars letting women know that not only are they the owner of a right hand, (this has really got to tick off the women who don’t have a right hand, but then sometimes advertising can’t please everyone) but will feel more empowered if they buy themselves a piece of jewelry for that hand. Here’s the advertisers logic: In the past, we told women if their men loved them they would buy them a diamond or a nice piece of jewelry. In the community of women, a piece of jewelry is not only a status symbol but a declaration to all the world that they are loved. The advertising guys, after reading the 2002 US Census Bureau Report, realized that 23.6% of women don’t ever get married and will never get a piece of jewelry from the love of their lives. While this isn’t disturbing enough in its own right, the diamond industry took it more in terms of dollars and cents. Close to 25% of women were falling through the sales net. Not only that, the women who do own a few trinkets depend on us, the males, to buy them more. As a rule, most men aren’t tickled to death at the prospect of buying “lots” of jewelry for our wives, unless of course we’ve done something really wrong and deserve to be forgiven (I got your back, Kobe.) That being said, the solution to the problem was very simple (if you’re the advertisers); convince women to buy jewelry. Tell them it proves how independent, strong and intelligent they are and the Diamond Trading Company (DeBeers) could double the number of diamond jewelry buyers out there!
Short story: When I was eleven years old, I went on my first memorable airplane ride. Being that my Dad was a pilot in the Air Force, I felt I could get a taste of what he did when he went to work. He assured me that flying on a 747 was nothing like flying a two-seater jet at mach 2. Even though I didn’t know what type of plane a “54” was (I didn’t understand why my Dad didn’t just add 7 and 47), or who Mack Tu was (probably his co-pilot), I was still looking forward to the adventure. “Please take your seats. The captain will be taxiing to the runway any minute.” This, of course, alarmed me. Where could the captain be taking a taxi to? Shouldn’t he be flying the plane? But then I remembered about Mack, the co-pilot, and felt better. The next thing I remember was a very pretty lady giving instructions to everyone on how to work a seat belt. Because I had already easily connected and reconnected my own belt a thousand times, I didn’t understand who this demonstration was for. What I’m trying to say is, while I appreciate what the advertising guys are trying to do, sell more jewelry, they don’t have to state the obvious. Come on, how many different ways are there to stick the buckle into that latch? I’ve always preferred the K.I.S.S. approach (Keep It Simple Stupid). Show the bright, intelligent ladies some beautiful jewelry and step back and see what happens.
Without further ado, here are the “Right Hand Rings.”
P.S. You can wear them on your left hand, too. Just don’t tell anybody. It will be our little secret.