More than a few decades ago I was born in Kittery, Maine; the second child, the first and only son. My dad, a pilot in the US Air Force (later a wing commander) brought me up with a code of ethics that I still use today, “If a job is worth doing, do it right the first time.” “Be a man of your word.” “Be a gentleman.” There are a lot of life’s lessons he taught me but he never told me about “comatopia.”

True it’s a made up word but it does have its origin. It comes from the word, “coma” (unconscious, can’t wake up) and “utopia” (a country of perfection). The irony is “comatopia” is a perfect place to live but you can’t appreciate it because you’re out like a light. “Comatopia” is a land every man, young man or schoolboy will visit, is visiting or is stuck in right now. We did not buy a ticket there or were forced there against our will. We volunteered gladly.

Let me explain: When a man/boy meets a woman/girl, his brain goes through an almost instantaneous checklist:

¯ Face
¯ Breasts
¯ Booty
¯ Legs

Then a quick addition followed by a question that if answered, “yes” is a weekend pass into “comatopia.”

¯ “Would I do her?”

The minute a man asks and answers this question to himself, he not only has entered “comatopia” but will be stuck there till he gets kicked out, takes a cold shower or rounds third base. “Comatopia” is a state of mind where a man says and does things purely for the possibility of a booty call. Is she smart? Who cares! Is she kind? Who cares! Are you compatible? Who cares! Who cares! Who cares! I’m in combat mode, get the booty, get the booty.

Women, most of them, are more evolved. They have the capability of not just evaluating the book by its cover but they’ll even skim a few chapters. Women make educated decisions. Men make “comatopia” decisions. There are very few women who will sleep with a man they don’t like, but ask any man from “comatopia” the same question and he’ll snap right back, “What does liking somebody and sex have to do with each other?” I’m not proud that “comatopia” exists or that I’ve even visited there more than once. What I’m trying to do is make all men aware of it so they will stop making fools of themselves for superficial reasons.

1.) You don’t go out with a girl just because she passes the extremely low, low bar of “I’d do her.”

2.) Realize that big breasts do not compensate for character flaws.

3.) Ask yourself if this new person in your life meets the standards of going from an unknown to an acquaintance to being your friend before you even consider how hot she is or isn’t or whether you should do the horizontal shuffle.

4.) I know trying to act like “007’ may be fun but women can see through a phony in a heartbeat. Be yourself, at least if you’re shot down you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering if she hated the real you or your poor James Bond impression. It’s true the truth can hurt sometimes and it may be brutal but without it we can’t make adjustments at half time to be a better person.

The key for men in finding “Miss Right” versus “Miss Right Now” is to fall for who she is, what she believes in, not how she fills out a swimsuit. If on top of all that she’s beautiful too, you truly are a lucky man. But you know what? If you do allow yourself to get to know and fall in love with the person inside first, I guarantee the book cover won’t matter. Just look at us, how many Robert Redfords and Brad Pitts are among us? Not many, but we’re loved anyway. We can learn a lot from women and very little from “comatopia.”

by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
The founder and president of Diamond Cutters International, is one of the world’s top diamond experts, as well as a three-time Guinness Book record holder in jewelry design.
Fred The Diamond Guy
Latest posts by Fred The Diamond Guy (see all)

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.

A few steps for you to expect once you submit your form - We will first send you an email confirming that we’ve received your form, so keep an eye out for that.  We will then contact you within 24 hours via your preferred method of contact. We will work with you to setup a complimentary one-on-one consultation with your gemologist.