Vol 5.5 "Target Marketing" April 13, 2006

Dear Friends,

It’s April 12, 2006, 10:24 a.m. Last night when I was just starting to watch the ABC Evening News, the
top stories being teased were ‘Gasoline prices surge toward post-Katrina highs’, ‘Iran’s President says
his country is going to join the nuclear powers of the world in defiance of the U.S.’, ‘The prosecutor in
the Duke University rape case says he’ll find the guilty players but is he punishing the innocent?’,
and ‘Hormone therapy; good news for women who suffer the side effects of menopause.’ While these
stories, I’m sure, hold a lot of merit, tonight I was interested in the commercials. Since commercials
are target-marketed to be placed on shows to reach a particular audience (toy commercials come on
during cartoons), I wanted to know what my commercials said about me.

The first commercial was for transition lenses (eyeglasses that turn into sunglasses when you go
outdoors and turn back into regular glasses indoors). The maker obviously believes the average viewer
of the evening news wears glasses. Ha! I got Lasik last year so they wasted that spot on me! Next up
was ‘Total’ cereal, CVS Pharmacy, Coffeemate Creamer, and Liquid Plumber. It is true that I have been
trying to eat a better cereal (they got me there). I do like a pharmacy I can trust (it seems like I’m
taking more daily pills than before). I don’t like coffee (they missed on that one) and I’ll be damned
if I know or have the patience to deal with a clog (another hit). If not for the Lasik eye surgery, I was
a potential client on four out of five of the first five commercials. Man, these guys on Madison Avenue
have me figured out. Maybe it’s true; if you want to know what kind of person you are just pay attention
to the commercials of your favorite T.V. shows! I’ve also had a theory that these Madison Avenue
big-wigs not only figure out who you are by watching what you watch, but they can figure out who you
are going to be! The second plan for any good advertiser is not just to reach out to the market that needs
your product now but reach out to future clients by laying the ground work for products you’ll need in the
future! If this is true, I needed to pay close attention to the commercials coming on next! This would
be my future!

The next products were Phillips Caplets Laxative, Vesicare (for an overly active bladder), Astelin
(for seasonal allergies), Lipitor (for my high cholesterol) and Hot Pockets’ Whew, the future looks
bleak! I’m going to be constipated ~ but pissing on myself ~ if I try to go outside for relief my
allergies are going to kick in ~ I can try to relax and have a Hot Pocket for a snack ~ but I have high
cholesterol! I didn’t know if I could go on. There was going to be one more batch of commercials and
these might finish me off. But, I had to know! The next commercials were Mutual of Omaha Insurance
for Medicare supplements, Aleve for my arthritis pain, Preparation H, Polygrip and Topsoil. My god, there
it was, my whole life in a 30 minute show! As I reach my retirement years the arthritis will be
unbearable, my hemorrhoids will be on fire, I’ll have lost all my teeth and when I finally kick the
bucket they have Topsoil to put on top of me! I don’t know if I can ever watch the news again.

Talk to you next time’

The founder and president of Diamond Cutters International, is one of the worlds top diamond experts, as well as a three-time Guinness Book record holder in jewelry design.
Fred The Diamond Guy
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