Dear Readers,

Four months ago, the son of a very close friend of mine committed suicide.  These are our letters.

Monday, August 02, 2004 1:38 PM

Dear Fred,

I just wanted to let you know that I will be here but not readily available for a few days. There was a tragedy in my family yesterday – my son committed suicide yesterday evening.  I am not taking it very well. How ironic that when you finally feel that life is changing; getting better (for you) that another curve ball gets thrown at you.




Friday, August 27, 2004  2:23 PM

Dear Fred,

Every time I read one of your newsletters, I am always deeply touched, usually with tears running down my face.  I have never met another person in my life that can gauge people the way that you do. Would you be willing, in your honorable opinion, to gauge me according to the Four Triads? I am so confused and mixed-up in my life right now that I feel like I don’t know who I am – if that makes sense. Even before this tragedy with T.R., I spent so much of my life making sure that everyone else was happy and exuding a persona to fit every situation that I’ve never had time to find out WHO I am. I realize certain aspects about me but it’s so hard when it is personally about you to decide what is normal, even though normal is a relative term.

I am trying so hard to stay focused and to keep busy so I don’t have time to dwell on the most catastrophic loss of my live – losing my son. I am intelligent enough to realize that I will never get over this incident, but, with time I hope to bring it to a manageable level. 

I so want to succeed. I so want to be happy and full of energy every morning when I open my eyes. I am trying so hard to stay busy and get this business going to feel fulfilled and to contribute to the happiness of others in a healthy positive way. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you don’t have time to duck and it can end-up being a direct shot to the body. (For example, I could never in a million years bat against Randy Johnson, that guy scares the bejeezus out of me). But, with luck and perseverance, we come through. We’re human, after all and adaptable. I will never be able to replace that part of my heart that died with T.R. but maybe my heart will grow larger to someday allow more joy to reside there.

So, would you, as an objective person define my traits, as you see them, according to the Four Triads? I would be very curious to hear what you have to say and it may even help me change what I don’t like about myself. If you decide not to, I would surely understand. It’s just that even after only meeting you one time; I hold you in the highest regard and am full of respect. You have achieved what other people only dream to achieve and I don’t mean monetarily, either.  You do touch people and you do care.

I haven’t looked at the prices of the Coins, I think I’m a little afraid too.   J   But, I know I would like to get one.  I don’t believe in luck – I believe you can be whatever you choose to be.  You just have to figure out how to follow the correct path to get you there.

Also, if I may ask one more question – does Jose’ do all of your jewelry designs? I only ask because at the funeral home they had these necklaces with pendants (cross, star, etc….) that you can use to place a small amount of a deceased person’s ashes in. I was not overly fond of their designs. I would need something hollow and sealable. My son’s name was Thomas Richard Gorman, III. If I can afford it, I would like to have some type of pendant or medallion made that said ‘TRG3.’ That way I can wear it and it will always be close to my heart because I just can’t bear the thought of being without him.

Lastly, in reading your newsletter, it made me think of a couple of quotes, some I’m sure you’re already familiar with:

“Don’t be afraid of dying; be afraid of the life you haven’t lived”

“Somewhere over the rainbow lies a new horizon to explore”

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow

 Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead

 Just walk beside me and be my friend”

Once again, thanks for taking time out of your busy day to ‘listen’ to me. Maybe you have heard it before but I feel some type of connection with you on a cerebral level, though in a million years, I will never be as intelligent and astute as you are.

Warmest regards and my best to LaTeace,



Friday, August 27, 2004  4:05 PM

Hi Melissa.

Please watch for a Fed Ex delivery from me on Saturday. I’m sending you a silver Four Triads Heirloom Coin. Although I am not a superstitious person, I do think it’s important sometimes to have something tangible that you can touch with both hands to remind us of the intangibles. That’s why I made the coin. If you know nothing else, when you’re holding the coin, at least you know you’re holding the coin. It’s for sure. It can help you to come from a place of knowing. 

Over the weekend, I will put pen to paper and give you my impressions; what I feel. I’ll email it to you on Monday.
I’m always here for you.



Sunday, August 29, 2004  11:56 PM

Good Morning, Fred, or in your case I guess it’s still Sunday for you.

I wanted you to know that there are not sufficient words for me to express the gratitude that I feel towards you for your nature and generosity. From the bottom of my heart I send the deepest sincere thanks for the joy you have brought into my life. I was home alone all weekend because Earl and the kids went to Virginia Beach for his middle son’s wedding; I didn’t even have a car to go anywhere so I spent the weekend alone. I felt that I couldn’t handle the event emotionally and did not want to ruin anyone’s one’s time in celebration. I knew that I could not watch my husband’s son get married without the thoughts that would consume me of knowing that my son is not here and will never marry and raise a family. I think the few days alone may have done me some good. I could cry and grieve all that I wanted without those around me worrying or feeling guilty because there was/is nothing they could ‘do’ for me.

Also, there has been a somewhat positive event in my life that makes me feel good. I have the pleasure and opportunity to tangibly to help another person. Last week I officially, through the courts, now have guardianship of my daughter’s best friend since 3rd grade, Amber. She has had a tough life. Her mother left her and her brother when she was 3 and it has just been the three of them all of these years living in a very remote trailer park. Her father agreed to do this because it will make her happy. I have felt like she is one of my own since she was 8.  She has very little contact with her mother and I know that she holds so much anger and hurt inside. I want to be here for her, and Becca, as much as I can. This is the first time in her life that she will have health, dental and vision insurance. Unfortunately, she has never been to a dentist in her life. I am so proud to give her this opportunity in life. She is a sweetheart and an excellent student. 

I want to thank-you so much for the coin. It is beautiful, so beautiful in fact, that I am hesitant to take it out of the case. Reading what you write, how you inspire people truly makes me view my life differently and makes me want to be a better person. To reach out and touch people, it’s difficult for me because I don’t know how. Most of the time, I feel like such a ‘closed’ person and am scared to venture outside of what I am. I wish I had your skill.

As much as I appreciate your gift, my inner programming tells me that I should offer to pay you for it. I find it difficult, most times, to accept gifts from people. So, please let me know if I can pay you for it in some way. But, I did want to tell you that I did feel a connection just holding that coin in my hand. I felt a comfort that I can’t articulate.

Well, I am sure that I have taken-up enough of your precious time. But, I would like to ask you one small favor, if possible. I love the coin that you sent me and it will always have a special place in my heart, please don’t have one doubt of my appreciation. My favor is that if you would allow me, I would like to put one of the gold coins on a type of lay-away plan. If you could give me a price and a payment schedule, I promise you that I will adhere to whatever you would be willing to agree to. I would like to share the silver coin with my daughter. I had her read the literature regarding the coin and it appeared to touch her, too. For the record, I would not expect to receive the gold coin, if you agree to let me purchase one over time, until it was paid for. I don’t have a lot of immediate cash available especially after taking out a loan to pay for my son’s funeral. Also, if you think Jose’ could come-up with an idea for a medallion/urn as I discussed in my last e-mail, I would be greatly appreciate. I would need two – one for me and one for my daughter. Everything I had looked at looked tacky and I don’t do tacky. I just want something elegant and meaningful.

Anyway, I wish you the best of evenings and hope to talk to you soon. I really hope you enjoyed the milkshakes and I am so excited about Claudia’s baby, I’m not sure how to spell it – Calie? The only thing I wish I could have done while I was there was to meet your father, Hector. Maybe someday soon I can make another trip.

Sweet dreams and sleep well.

Warmest regards,

Melissa Oaks


Monday, August 30, 2004  3:05 PM

Hi Melissa,

After giving it a lot of thought, I realized there were some questions I needed answers to in order to make an informed evaluation.
  1. What is your biggest regret?
  2.  Name the top ten things (in order) that you love.
  3.  What is your most prized possession?
  4.  Do you believe your son’s death was an accident?
  5.  Does the past depend on the future?
  6.  What is your definition of a successful person?
  7.  What is your #1 fear?
  8.  Name ten things you doubt.
  9.  What was your happiest moment?
  10.  Why do you believe man was put on earth?
  11.  Do you believe thought creates reality?
  12.  Is happiness an expectation that becomes a reality?  Yes or no and why?

P.S.  One of our clients is the largest funeral home company in the world.  We’re checking with them now to see what kind of pendants they might have available.  We’ll let you know as soon as we find out.

Thanks so much for the milk shake!



Monday, August 30, 2004  5:23 PM

Good afternoon, Fred

After reading your questions and giving them all careful consideration, I have come up with the following (good or bad):


I don’t believe in them. I surely have made some poor choices in my life but if I had not done what I did, when I did it, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today.

Top ten things in order that I love:
  1. My children
  2. My husband
  3. My best friend, Charles, who lives in Dallas
  4. My best friend, Maryam, who lives in San Diego
  5. The smell of fresh cut grass
  6. My parents
  7. To make someone smile
  8. Reading Books
  9. Watching movies
  10. Something that I’ve done that came out perfectly.

Most prized possession

I would like to say my daughter but I do not ‘own’ her.

I think it would have to be:

Tangible – my 1800’s lap desk

Intangible – the sureness that I feel that I am a good and honorable person.

My son’s death

Yes and No:  Did he choose to hang himself? Yes and I believe that in the manner in which he did it sent a very powerful message to his father that he will never get over.

Would he have committed suicide if drugs had not been involved? No, I don’t think so.

Does the past depend on the future

No, it doesn’t depend on but can change the future if you choose to let it.

Definition of a successful person

A person that is truly happy in what they do for a living or just living the (good) life that they have chosen.

No. 01 fear

To feel stupid, unprepared or inadequate in any situation.

Ten things that I doubt


My competence in raising a child

My strength

My self esteem

That I will die a success

That I have the guts to stand-up to someone unless it involves my children.

That I will ever be ‘normal’ because of my dysfunctional upbringing

That I will make a difference in this world

That people, outside of my immediate circle, have a clue of whom I am

Happiest Moment

Finding out that I was in remission from cancer and finally finding someone that believed the way that I do, as I have felt like an outsider to general society for as long as I can remember. Finding out that maybe there wasn’t/isn’t something terribly wrong with me because I ‘thought’ differently than most people; that I was not alone in my thoughts, values, etc…….

Man on Earth

I honestly do not know. But, I do feel that is was not to endure all of the ugliness that resides within our lives and communities. I would say that man has the ability to learn in order to teach the next generation.

Thought creating reality

Yes, I do, if you choose to let it or pursue it or allow yourself to follow your dream.

Happiness as an expectation

No. To me, complete happiness defines perfection in our lives and personally, I find most types of human perfection boring.  But, I do love the symmetry of perfection in objects. I have taught myself to never get my hopes up, that way I can never feel let-down or disappointed

Well, I hope that none of the above scared you or made you groan and I hope I adequately answered so that you can make your evaluation. Also, if you think I’m ready for that straight jacket, don’t be afraid to say so. J  

Please let me know if you need anything further. All you need to do is ask.

Have a wonderful evening,



Tuesday, August 31, 2004  12:42 PM

Hi Melissa,

Here’s my opinion, for what it’s worth:

An experience is defined as something that is perceived, understood and remembered. It is our experiences that define us.  For the triad of time to be conquered, not only must someone live in the moment (I don’t believe this is a problem for you), they must be able to correctly assess the past and garner the fruit from it. To forget the past is to lose all the lessons it can teach you. With that said, we are not our past. What we choose to be at any moment is up to us.  People, however, will want to label us based on their past experiences with us so they can be “right” about us in their little world. This is where I believe you get off track; instead of creating an internal compass to guide you where to go, you’ve allowed those around you to tell you where to go. Your past, your present and your future was and probably still is perpetuated not on what you desire but on those around you. You are literally a space traveler with no sense of time. While it is great to have no regrets, it’s possible that you have sugar-coated real truths about your past and didn’t learn the true lesson from many past experiences. When we fail to learn from the past, we are destined to repeat it. I believe, in a way, you are stuck on auto pilot.

Of course, the advantage of allowing others to make decisions for you is it takes the responsibility away from you when things go “bad.” (I don’t believe in good or bad, just in what represents you or doesn’t.) The problem with this fail-safe way of life is it doesn’t allow you to accept responsibility for your accomplishments. Since your actions were pre-determined by others, how can you possibly have a feeling of self-worth?

In the triad of life, I believe you are a very soulful person. You lead with your heart and epitomize kindness to others.  Your big problem here is with your list of the top ten things you said you love.  Guess what?!  You’re not on the list!  You have to #1. How can you give love without being it? Last time I checked, there was only one Melissa Oaks! You are one of a kind! That makes you a miracle! You have to know that if you are to ever be truly happy.

In the triad of awareness you crumble. Love cannot live where doubt exists. You must live a life where you realize there are no accidents, only blessings—a life without expectation; where you do your best, regardless if there is someone to put a gold medal around your neck. When you put your head on your pillow at night and KNOW you did you best, then you should overflow with gratitude. You must remove doubt from your life and accept and embrace even the things you don’t understand yet.

The triad of creation is a place where you excel. You are a prolific and talented writer. You are also probably good at other things, but I don’t know you well enough to point them out. You are determined and very goal oriented. I believe your biggest problem is just picking what to work hard at. While I want you to be whatever you are supposed to be (you have no choice), I believe some part of your future should be spent sharing your life experiences with others.  You are inspirational to me, and I’m not easily impressed. I would love it if you wrote short stories that I could publish on my website to inspire others.

In closing, you are a soul that is a little lost but only because your eyes are closed. As soon as you realize that you are one of God’s greatest creations, your live will move on. You need only ask two questions to yourself; where do I want to go and who am I taking with me? But never get them in reverse order. First you must decide who you want to be regardless of how others feel about it. You’ve spent your life trying to be what others want, it’s about time to take that responsibility on for yourself. And in that journey you will find you, beautiful you.

I hope that helps J



Friday, September 3, 2004  1:08 PM

Dear Fred,

First, I want to sincerely thank-you for the time and effort that you took in giving me your opinion. I do value your opinion and hold it in the highest regard. I apologize for not writing you back sooner. I’ve had a rough couple of days – just emotional ups and downs; September 01 was the one month anniversary of my son’s death. I have never felt such pain in my life and am looking forward to the day when I can have just one day without tears or wake up not dreaming about him. I’ve been going to grievance counseling and it’s helping somewhat but there is definitely a limit on what someone else can ‘do’ for you.

I have read your opinion, over and over and each time, it amazes me. Where did this innate talent and gift come from that makes Fred Cuellar? I wish I had your ability to so accurately read a person. Sometimes I think I am good at reading other people but when it comes to myself, well, I am just a mess. I can easily get mired down and overwhelmed and lose sight of whatever the real issue is.

I do think you are about 99% correct in your assessment of me. It is true; I have allowed my whole life, feelings and emotions to be dictated by others. Their needs, their expectations. I have always been so busy trying to gauge what it is that others want from me that I have never learned who I am. I realize now, through counseling, that this is why I had my melt down last July. I no longer had the emotional strength to put on that façade for all of the people around me. Years of hyper vigilance, in addition to the worry that consumed me about my son, just plain tuckered me out to the point where I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I didn’t/don’t know how to be ‘me’ and the thought of putting on that face – I just couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when I came to my room. My safety zone where I didn’t have to talk to anyone except my immediate family. Back in July, when I came to your offices, you cannot believe how proud of myself that I had actually made the trip. Even up to the moment of the plane departing from BWI, I was contemplating not coming. I was so anxious. But, it turned out to be such a positive event for me. You, Todd, Rick and the whole office staff made me feel so welcome and at ease. I came home feeling better and feeling proud that I had done it.  Then, two weeks later my son died and I have regressed. I am once again struggling but this time for different reasons. I know I will get better. Life will never be the same but I will move forward with the passing of time.

You referred to my internal compass, in your first paragraph. You hit the nail on the head. I don’t know who the real me is but I am working on it weekly with my counselor. In addition to my diagnosis of major depression, general anxiety and some OCD issues (boy, am I a joy to be around!), I also suffer from the Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome. My role, as it were, was to try my best to make everyone happy and to never rock the boat. I never want anyone angry at me, I never want confrontation and I obsessively worry about what other people think of me or how, or if, they are judging me. These are the issues that I am working on. On one hand, this event with my son has so consumed me that I really could care less what anyone thinks of me right now. I have to learn how to hold on to that feeling. Not in a mean way but in a confident manner.

I completely agree with your paragraphs regarding self-worth, triads of life and awareness. When I got to the triad of creation, you made me feel good about myself. I do love to write, I always have. I’ve always felt that there is a comfort in writing and a measure of safety because usually I can write what I don’t have the confidence to say to someone face-to-face. Again, you are absolutely right when you say that my picking what to work hard at is difficult for me. I have always had this uncanny feeling that I know that I could excel at whatever I chose to excel at. I am a fast learner and tireless when it comes to figuring out how to do something. I get obsessive and terrier like until I feel comfortable with the subject or idea. I have just not found that one thing yet that truly sparks my passion. I am really starting to feel that way about the diamond business. I know I could do well with it, it just takes determination, time and money. I do like to make people happy and I can’t think of a woman on earth that a beautiful diamond wouldn’t make happy. I just have to get my butt back in gear and finish-up working on my web site and get my ball rolling. I ‘ve really allowed myself to become stagnant over the last few weeks, I feel with good reason. It’s not due to laziness because hard work doesn’t scare me a bit. 

Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Thank-you again for all that you have done for me and if there is anything I can ever do for you, your family or your business, please let me know. On the phone, you asked if I’d be interested in writing an article for the website.  If you would like me to try and write something – you’d have to give me a topic? 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and look forward to talking to you soon.




Thursday, December 2, 2004  1:51 AM

Dear Fred,

I am so sorry it has been so long since I’ve spoken or written to you. Life just seems to get away from me. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days and before I know it, another day has passed. I honestly don’t know where the time has gone. I cannot believe that today (yesterday) was the four month anniversary of my son’s death. I still feel like it was such a recent event. Every single day, I berate myself for not have written your story yet. I feel like I am stuck in a time warp and don’t know how to get out. All of my days are spend in my room, I rarely venture downstairs and only go out of the house if I need to go to a counseling appointment. I am on five different medications, one of them an antidepressant and I am on the maximum dose. All of these medications affect my memory – I feel like an Alzheimer’s patient at times. I have to keep writing things down for I forget to do them. I am not concentrating very well and at times feel like I am caught-up in some bizarre spider web that I can’t make my way out of. To quote a country song ‘I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, sometimes I find it hard to breathe.’

My emotions vary from moment to moment and I never know what will trigger this immense sadness. A song on the radio (How Far is Heaven by Los Lonely Boys was his favorite song when he died), a television show (The Wire, shown on HBO and filmed completely in Baltimore and deals with police and drug trade), a picture, a memory – you name it, it is an endless array of bits and pieces of our, and his life, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know what to do, counseling helps but there is only one thing that I want – I want my son back. An illogical and unrealistic ‘want’ but I do not care. I want to scream, I want, at times, to hit someone and demand that he be returned to me. For the first time in my life, I have verbalized my wish to give my own life to give him another chance. This evening, I was going through some papers and came upon a newspaper clipping where his name was listed as an excellent football player that had made a touchdown. I was reduced to tears for about an hour. 

I have tried so hard to come to closure about many things but when a parent loses a child over a suicide become just another word listed in Webster’s. I have made myself endure very painful things hoping that in some way I could find an answer. I went a picked-up a copy of the police report, I ordered a copy of the autopsy report – both items probably the two most painful documents I have ever read excluding his death certificate. I refuse to visit that part of my brain that would lead me down the path of ‘would have, could have, and should have’; I know in my heart that I did everything that I could. It was his decision, not mine but this seems irrelevant. I have been such a logical person all of my life and this is the first time that logic has miserably failed me. I cannot find solace.

I am going to be very graphic and tell you a few things – images that I cannot get out of my mind. I have not told these to anyone except my husband and counselor. If you do not wish to read them, please skip over them and accept my apologies. Also, it seems that the few friends that I had have abandoned me. Maybe they feel I am too depressed to be around, maybe they don’t know what to say to me. I have my husband, Earl and he has been my rock, my touchstone, my trusted companion. I cannot speak to my ex-husband as I cannot trust a word that spews from his mouth. In his case, he would lie even if the truth sounded better. Please trust me, these are not the bitter words of an ex-wife, they are simply the truth.

Okay, here are the images I cannot get out of my mind, so, once again, if you choose not to read them, please skip over this part. I just feel like I need to write it, to get it OUT. If anyone would understand this, I think you would. If I offend you in any way, I truly apologize.
  1. The night that I got the news that T.R. had died, Earl rushed me to the hospital ASAP. There was a Patient Advocate assigned to my family and she was one of the most calming, caring people I have ever met. It finally came time to go back and ‘see’ T.R. if we wish to do so. As much as I dreaded it, I could not, not go. My husband and I were led through a series of hallways from the chapel and soon we became upon a door. Inside that door, I did not know what to expect. I just held tightly to my husband’s hand with tears streaming down my face. When we went through the door, my son was lying on a gurney with a sheet that covered him from feet to neck. He was lying there face up and still had an intubations tube still protruding from his mouth. His skin was odd looking, he was extremely mottled. I pulled the sheet down to his torso and just looked at him. There were extreme abrasions and marks around his neck from his hanging by the belt that he used. I held his hands and rubbed him arms and talked to him through tears. I went to the end of the bed and pulled up the sheet to look at his feet. I was still in disbelief or denial, whatever terminology you want to use. My husband left to let me spend some time alone and I found myself sitting on the floor with my hand on his forehead and rubbing his head. I kept expecting him to breathe or to move. Knowing my son, I fully expected him to sit-up and just say ‘ha ha’, fooled you. But, obviously that didn’t happened. He felt cool and warm at the same time; I don’t have sufficient words to explain it.
  2. When my father arrived (he had been in Ocean City, MD in a fishing tournament), he finally decided that he wanted to go back to that small cubby room to see T.R. so I went with him. It was a great shock to him and for the first time in my life, I actually saw my father cry. I never knew he was capable – and that is said with no malice. Even when his own mother died, he never shed a tear. My father couldn’t take it and walked out, leaving me there alone. I did not want to leave. I would have given anything for him to wake-up for smile or to even wiggle a finger or toe.
  3. The next event that happened that was devastating was when I had to go to the funeral home to identify my son’s body. They have strict protocol that someone must positively identify the deceased to ensure that they received the correct remains back from the Coroner’s Office. Once again, I had to walk into a quiet room, with my husband and view my son. The most difficult part was that he was once again lying on a gurney but this time his body was encased in one of those heavy duty zip up bags that you see on television when they are transporting remains.  They only had the bag unzipped and pushed back far enough for me to view his face. The intubations tube had been removed but everything else seemed about the same. It was just so difficult to see him like that, zipped up in a bag.  Another visual memory that won’t dissipate.
  4. The last visual image of my son that I remember crystal clear was the day of his funeral. When the services were over, Earl and I went up and knelt in front of the casket. Again, all I wanted to do was for him to wake up. I took-off the diamond and gold ring that the children had given to me which said “Mom” on both sides and placed it in the casket with him, gently laying it on his chest. It was the absolute saddest day of my life.

So, I am hoping that this gives you a small indication of what my mind set is.  I truly apologize for not have written you a story, article yet – I just can’t seem to get my head around it.  I have not yet gotten to the point where I can focus on the positive instead of the negative. I also want to apologize for not sending a thank-you card yet but it is just not something that I can seem to write yet. I have not sent out any as of yet. Do you have any other topic(s) in mind?  I know I need to get out of this room before it becomes my prison.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch base with you and tell you that I have not forgotten my obligation.

Warmest regards,



Thursday, December 2, 2004  11:26 AM

Dear Melissa,

We live in a cold, thoughtless, unforgiving, hate-filled world. Do you believe me? I hope not. We live in a loving, thoughtful, forgiving, love-filled world. Do you believe me?  I hope not. To appreciate the joy, we need atrocity to compare it to.  I wish it weren’t so.  It is.  To try to forget something is to remember it more. Don’t forget the hospital room. Don’t forget the morgue. Every time those thoughts enter your mind, bless them. Give them a special place in your heart because they will trigger the touchdowns your son made on the football field.

One day I won’t be here. One day you won’t be either. Our jobs are to touch as many other lives as possible while we are here. You do that every time I hear from you. J

Congratulations for finishing your first article (your letter). With your permission, I would like to post is as a Christmas present for all my readers. It’s important in life to be reminded that those around us give us our greatest joy. And those who have left us remind us to hold tight to one another because one day we all leave. 

Your next article needs to be about your room…your prison…your day to day life. I will accept your article in form of a letter.

Best wishes,


P.S.  One man’s prison is another man’s castle.


Thursday, December 2, 2004  11:15 AM

Dear Fred,

I am actually astounded and was in tears after reading your e-mail. I wish I possessed your wisdom and articulation.  Do you seriously want to post my ‘letter?’ Here, I thought I was trying in my sometimes lame way to explain to you, to apologize to you for my lack of communication. Not one day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you, your kindness and my obligation – my word to you and it has been annoying the snot out of me that I had not come through for you.  Maybe I just didn’t know where to begin? If you would truly like to publish my letter, on its merit, then you have my full permission. I just truly hope that it does not offend anyone – the graphic depiction. I don’t want people running from your web site screaming. J That is MY job. 

Please give LaTeace my best and I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Also, all of your office staff is such a great team. You have no idea how many times I wished I were there, working within such a wonderful group.

I promise to have a new ‘letter’ for you very soon. 

Warmest regards,




by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
The founder and president of Diamond Cutters International, is one of the world’s top diamond experts, as well as a three-time Guinness Book record holder in jewelry design.
Fred The Diamond Guy
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