Many a man in a fit of rage has blurted out, “What in the name of God does my woman want?! I give and I give and I give and still she’s not happy!” I can relate. I’ve been trying to figure women out my whole adult life.
Heck, even the better part of my adolescence was spent on the question. And it’s always the minute I get close to the answer that I’d be sent blindly into a black hole of confusion. Women are a lot like a golf swing — just when you think you have mastered it, your next ball slices off the fairway. Women by definition equal confusion or that which lacks explanation. So hand in hand with the search for the meaning of life, I ventured out on this crusade to answer the one question which seems to defy logic. What do women want?
At the beginning of my search I had to accept the possibility that the question may not even have an answer. I mean certainly not all women think the same, so how in heaven can they all want the same thing? A single gal can’t possibly have the same needs as a married gal. A career woman can’t possibly relate to a homemaker. A teenager can’t crave what a 20 to 30 year old might or for that matter a senior citizen. Women are different so they must want different things. Right?
Well, kinda and kinda no. There are if you look carefully some common things all women want. How do I know? I asked them. Here are my results.
Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want companionship but don’t need someone to be happy; they want honesty but seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where they’ve come from and where they are going. Don’t pity them, coddle them or treat them with kid gloves. Today’s woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions. What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is setting new goals. Why men can’t figure women out is because they are a masterpiece in progress. A woman doesn’t grow old; she just gets better. Wonder why you can’t put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too quick.
Just like women. Ask your average man what 2 + 2 equals and he’ll say “4” every time. Ask a woman and she’ll say “looks like a little get together.” Women are always one step ahead and always will be.
If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here? We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want to have a long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she has nothing left to say and when she’s done, shut up and listen some more. Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, you’d better do some caring.
Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You do that with hugs.
Number five, don’t lie. Don’t white lie, don’t sugar coat the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she won’t put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live to play another day.
Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say you’re going to be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control. Creating a foundation and stability doesn’t mean trying to solve all the problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust.
Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life.
What do women want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way to show it. If you learn their language, listen when you’d rather speak, hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. You’ll no longer ask what women want, they’ll be asking you what you want and give it to you.
by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®