Fighting/No show of affection

Hi LaTeace,
I need some advice on my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating 3 1/2 years now and we have been fighting more than ever. Its anything, our dogs (we dont have kids), cleaning the house, yard work, anything. He is very much a push over sort of guy and I am not. He does not stand up for himself at all and thats another one of our many fights. He shows me no affection at all. No “I love you” anymore, no kisses or hugs, no cute dates, he does not tell me im pretty anymore, ect. We have talked about this and all he says is “I do tell you these things”. I want to feel like he still loves me. We are very close to breaking it off. I just dont know what to do anymore.

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Psychology extern

Hey LaTease,
Met your sister at the brooklyn va and she showed me your site 🙂 I like your advice pages.. anyhow, wondering what you think about dating a much younger man- I’m 30 and he’s 21 but he’s super mature for his age and probably one of the best communicators I have dated.. I’ve told him I have concerns since we are at diff life stages but he thinks age is just a number and we should just see where it takes us.. he’s even willing to talk about a future together.. am I fooling myself?

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WHY THE RUSH TO MARRY?

Hello, I have been dating a girl for 3 yrs and she is trying to adopt a 5yo girl. We currently have demanding jobs and live in seperate towns 120 mi away. She has been pushing me from day one to get married. I told her that I wasn’t ready and she still pushes. I have no more interaction with friends or family other than dropping off my dog bc I have to run over to her house immediately or she will get mad. She constantly makes me feel guilty for spending money (100 or less) on things to repair my house and says that that money should go to her ring fund. I have offered her to move in and she said no bc she wants a ring first and I understand. Well now everytime her friends get engaged or she sees it on tv, she cries all day. I told her that she will get a ring when I can afford one…so she gave me 3000 dollars. I feel like I have been stripped clean of all my pride, manhood and my own being. I feel as though I am only there to show off, be a mate and pay the bills. What am I doing wrong? I drive back and forth 2-4x a month 300 miles total and she may do it once every other month. I feel like she is making me do everything and she can just bark orders are me like i am a lil bitch. please help . Thank you!!!

Jeff

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How to subtley let a man know not to worry?

My boyfriend of about 1.5 yrs has mentioned the topic of marriage. I happen to know he’s been doing his research, and I know he’s worried. Here is why:

He is an Air Force war vet who was honorably discharged in 2006. He served overseas and in Iraq until that time. While deployed, he didn’t realize he had outstanding debt(s) he had not covered before leaving. Those turned to judgements he later took care of, but blemished his credit. In addition, soon after his discharge he no longer had the extensive income he did while enlisted. His life went from extravagent to meager almost overnight. He had to give back his car, owing whatever it didn’t auction for, and that too became a blemish to his credit. A recent hospital visit also resulted in a huge deductible owed… which will probably blemish his credit. The poor guy has had horrible luck since he left the military.

Once he became settled in the state in which we met, it was apparent he would only find work starting at a much lower salary than he was used to. It didn’t matter to me. I love him, I cherish his friendship. He makes my world a collectively more peaceful, and happier place. He completes and compliments me. We have lived together for a year. At 34 yrs old, never have I been happier.

The reason I’m concerned is, I know he simply cannot afford a quality diamond engagement ring. I have mentioned in passing that a twist tie is enough. That a wedding band is what matters. All he’ll respond with is a furrowed brow and the statement “you’re worth more than that.”.

I don’t know how else to subtley tell this wonderful caring man, who has served his country and taken care of my needs, that he needn’t worry what he has in hand, if anything. He is stubborn. I don’t want to sound as though I know too much. But what do I do? He has worked hard all his life, and feels as though he needs to somehow prove he can do for me. But, he HAS done for me, in so many other ways. I’m not looking for a huge perfect diamond. I’d be satisfied with nothing. I’d be satisfied with something modest. Even modest however, seems out of his budget right now. I feel bad for him. Any suggestions on how to ease his mind without damaging his ego? Thanks in advance.

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Confused???

I’m in my late 40’s and have a great friend who is in her early 30’s I’ve known her for 6 years and as of lately we’ve become very close and tell each other everthing. I love to hang out with her.She brings a smile to my face everytime she calls or text me.My problem is,she’s starting to date more guys after her marriage break up almost 2 years ago and confides in me about everthing. My problem I’ve fallen in love with her but I’m afraid if I tell her it will ruin our friendship.She even tried to fix me up on a blind date, that did’nt work out.I look young for my age work out daily. It’s not about dating a young woman,I wish she was older I’m just so attracted to her,and everthing about her. What do I do? I’m in that BFF predicament
‘best friends forever’

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Wow! You

Hey LaTeace!

I used to write you a while ago with different questions I had when I was a newlywed, that was like 4 or 5 years ago! Great to see you guys are still around. I’m still with my husband, married for 6 years with 3 kids now. I’m very blessed to have such a great marriage and family. Just thought I’d give you a little update!

Take Care,

Tonya

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Girlfriend is a virgin

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 and a half years now. We’ve had a healthy relationship except for a period of time a couple years ago when things got rough.

Here’s the problem: Both of us are 22 and we have never had sex.

I’ve spoken to her about having sex in the past, and at one point she was considering it, but because I don’t want to pressure her, we haven’t talked about having sex since then. I know that we love one another and will eventually get married (which she is looking forward to), but that will be in another 2 years. She wants to wait until we are married to have sex.

I think by now, in any normal relationship, a couple would be having sex after being together for five years. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to remain patient.

How do I convince her that we are ready for sex without pressuring her?

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long distance?

hello LaTeace.. my name is jonathan and here is my situation. i met this amazing girl Elizabeth and from the moment i said hello we were absolutely crazy about each other. just recently after we had been dating long distance for about 6 months. she decided that she wanted to do an open relationship. what do i do?

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Do I walk away or do I keep fighting?

My boyfriend and I have known each other since we were 14-years-old. We met online. I lived in CT and he in NY. When he came into my life, I was in a very bad place emotionally. I was depressed all the time and cut and I was just immature and complained all the time. But we fell in love. We didn’t start going out until I was a senior in high school; I was 18, him 19. We didn’t even exchange pictures until I was 16. We even went almost a year without talking. But our friendship kept up and we fell right back into place.

Anyway, I moved out the day after graduation- moved into his house with his mom. It was amazing- he was so excited about me being there- he had to show me all the places where he grew up and went to school and hung out. He showed me off to his friends. We made out constantly- we’re so in love. But I was unhappy; I hadn’t ever spend more than 2 days away from my family- he loved me far more than I loved him. I was still cutting- but lying to him about it. Doing it in places where he wouldn’t see. I ended up treating him so badly- him and his family. And now looking back on it, I feel so horribly.

I ended up going back and forth between CT and NY. He would bawl his eyes out and get so upset, he’d throw up. He told me he need me and he wished I could see him as family. This continued 2 years into our relationship. We moved out- moved into our own place, but my emotional problems continued to plague our relationship. He started pulling away. But things started getting better. I grew stronger now that I was use to being on my own- he finally got through to me on the cutting thing and I stopped. Things were going good- he was so sweet. We’d go on midnight walks along the canal paths and write each other little notes and my friends were jealous- they said it was like we were in our own little world speaking a language of kisses and batting eyelashes.

On our 2 years, we drove down to CT to see my family and when it came time to leave, I freaked out. I didn’t want to go. I stood crying in the kitchen to my mom and dad about how mean he was and all this. But finally my mom calmed me down and told me to leave with him. I ended up going home and he was so nice on the way back upstate. He held my hand and was wiping away my tears and just comforting him.

A few months later he said he needed a break- he wasn’t in love with me anymore- he wanted his freedom. He started talking about not wanting to become his father and he was so confused and didn’t know what he wanted. But his actions contradicted his words. He flirted with me constantly and always had to be touching me. But I was heartbroken. I couldn’t stop crying- I figured it was best if I went home for a little while and focused on myself. So I went home for 2 and 1/2 months. I was still upset and still called him all the time, but things were getting better. He was talking to me and seemed happy over the phone.

I came back to NY and 4 weeks later, he kisses me and tells me that people say things they don’t mean sometimes and he was still in love with me. Things were going really great- we made out all the time- came close to having sex (would have been the 1st time for both of us) and we were even talking about marriage. I actually asked him to marry me and he said that he wanted to wait a year and was really happy about it and kept hugging me and for the next week was talking about how if I wanted to be part of the family, I’d have to start communicating with them more. And he told me he loved me all the time. He told me I was fun and goofy and beautiful.

And then 4 months later on our 33 months- I write him a card and I jokingly mentioned the marriage thing again and the next thing I know, he starts pulling away again- it was like instant. I confront him and he tells me that he doesn’t seem me in his future. I was emotional at first, but then I was like okay. Well, lets just be happy and see how this plays out. I ended up breaking up with him because he was being stupid and wouldn’t talk to me. I told him he had the emotional maturity of a three-year-old and that he need to grow up. I also told him that I wasn’t playing his head games anymore and I wasn’t going to be used.

Now it’s like he’s flirting with me and using our little nicknames and smiling and laughing and getting closer. I keep catching him looking at me when I’m not looking- and there’s just something in his eyes. He’s always trying to hard to make me laugh and he seems to have a lot of trouble talking to me normally- he’s acting like he has a crush- like all awkward and quiet and he can’t look me in the eye. He’s all smiles though and he refers to us as a we and constantly talks about the future and mentions both of us. He lets me kiss his cheek and his forehead and rub his back and give him hugs and just hang off of him. I still call him honey and sweetie and all our little nicknames. It’s kinda like we’re boyfriend/girlfriend just without the title or kissing.

I actually sat down and had a conversation without getting emotional or fighting with him about us. I told him pretty much all that was on my chest- and he didn’t say anything, but he was tired. He sat there in the chair with his eyes closed listening to me and mumbling responses. It’s the same exact way he was acting before we got back together the last time.

And I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know if he wants to get back together or what. I don’t know if I should walk away from this relationship and keep fighting. I don’t want to get back into the relationship just to have him do this again- it hurts too much. I may be smiling on the outside, but my heart is hurting.

Last night I got kinda emotional, because I’m on my period and I get wicked PMS and I apologized for the way I behaved and told him that I was menstrual and that my behavior shouldn’t be held against me, in kind of a joking manner and he laughed. But then I told him that if he didn’t want to try, then to stop acting like he did and he continued to act like he did, so I don’t know what that means.

Did I ruin this relationship? This man means so much to me- I can’t think of myself with anyone else. I have so much respect for him. My gut tells me not to give up; that he’s worth the fight- but I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know if I should come right out and talk to him, or just work on the friendship. I’m such a different person from when we met, I’m 20-years-old; I’m strong emotionally, know how to keep my emotions in check (except around that time of the month), I know what I want out of life. I’m very positive and just a better person all around. I don’t want to lose him- but I don’t know what to do either. Should I give him time to get to know the real me? HELP?!

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relationship

I have/had been dating a girl on and off for about 3 months. She texted me alot and called me every night. We could get together when neither of us had our kids which was about every other weekend. she is in the middle of going through a divorce. I’ve been divorced for a couple of years now. We had to go a month without seeing each other and she got upset cause she said she loved me and was upset i didnt say it the last time we were together. I told her i did, i was just gonna say it at xmas cause i thought it would be more special. Now she says we don’t have enough time to make it work but still is saying she loves me. Should i give up or just let her be for awhile?

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lost love

My ex girl friend and i were together for 4 1/2 years and i love her very much i would have loved to work things out but she says she can not depend on me because when we were living together i borrowed money from her and did not pay her back. I explained to her that i could not at the time because my son was sick with epilepsy and is autistic. I have a very good job and i asked her to stand by me while i was going through this hard time and she would get her money back and more..when we were together she treated my kids bad she used to tape record there phone messages then get made at them for what she heard and take things away from them. We were not good for each other but i can’t stop thinking about her i miss her.. What do i do? She is now seeing someone else and tells me that i still don’t know what she wanted in a relationship. How do guys find that out? i think she wanted me to spend more money on her but i just did not have it. If i had it i would have done anything for her but i took care of the number one thing in my responsibilities with my son. Can i ever straiten this relationship out? Should i try?

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Is he scared?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and have a one year old daughter together. Is he scared to be committed to me? When i talk to him about buying me a ring he gets shy.

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time!?

Hi lateace,
the q is me and amy have been frinds for 4-5 yrs and she knows i love her with all my heart we are so close the ppl in town think we are man and wife but she puts me in like a gra zone not her man but more than a close frind will about a mouth a go i think she wanted to sleep with me but i did not bc she had been drinking and amy is not a pec a ass to me i want her to be my wife will she is by sexl and is seeing a woman know and all i have been doing is supp her will the other woman i thinks of me as a thrat so me and amy are not talking but this has haped in the past and she all ways comes runing back to me do i stick it out or move on(god i hope you dont say move on lol) sorry i have D.L. sorry about the spell so i come to you asking what to do. allways hers hunter b

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My Girls Guy Friend

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now. Recently she moved 8hrs away to attend law school. Since I have moved down with her but she had a good 3 months away from me. While apart she met friends at law school. One friend happens to be a male. When they first met she thought he was gay. He has many a gay attributes but he hasn’t stated whether he is or isn’t so fact of the matter is he’s straight until he says he isn’t. Well they have a fairly close relationship and I am unsure of his motivations for being her friend. Could be law school? Could be he’s gay? Anyways some things are starting to unnerve me about their relationship. They both were here recently having lunch, while i was here, together. I mean the guy is cool and all but to me that’s crossing boundaries. I would expect my girlfriend to be upset about me having a girl here for lunch. But then if he’s gay is it o.k. I am lost as to what I should do. Please help me with my situation thank you

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When will I learn??

Hmm how much time do you have? I became friends with this guy 3 years a go one thing lead to another. He became a very important person n my life. we dated for a while we weren’t ever really exclusive. a year ago he met this girl and started dating her. Here is the problem he wants his cake and wants to eat it to. he moved around the corner from me he still calls still wants to go out and still wants all the benefits that go along with it. He gives me cards saying how much of agreat friend I am and that he always knows he is with a true freidn when he’s with me. I do love him nad I do think he cares about me but if he has this girl that he is with then why does he still come back to me it seems thathe spends more time with me then her but he says she is the one that he wants to be with. but why does he still want me in his life? Why does he keep me around? Why does he want me in his life why is he with her and not me if he and I have such a good relationship why isnt he with me? What do you think he is thinking? Am I just a fool and idiot for thinking that one day he will realize I am the one he wants and that we are great together? Thans for your time and your ear… -Jen

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Emotional State

Hi Lateace,

For the better part of two years I was involved in a long distance relationship with a women whom I loved with all of my heart. Towards the end of the relationship, there was a drop in our communication which I thought was the key to us having any chance at succeeding. When I attempted to get things back to where they needed to be she claimed that she was not emotionally stable enough for a relationship right now.

I’ve spent the last few months trying to figure out what that means. What does a women mean when she says that?

Thanks for your response.

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Relationship

Hi LaTeace, I have been into relationship with a lady, she complained to me of her mother been annoyed with my visiting her at the family house.she said I should call and hang around outside the house to be able to see her. I thought otherwise,but since then she had stopped calling nor seening me in my house too. I suspected she seeing a man elsewhere.is she braking up with me?what am I going to do? pls help me, LaTeace. thanks.

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I get anrgy at everything

I have a hard time with my lady doing things without me. going out with the girls, texting her girl friends, having a drink or smoke with the girls at a bar or here homes.How do i fix this problem I know she always comes back to me late at night, I don’t get what my problem is I know she needs space, she needs friends! Whats my problem cause now she needs time to from me she says I’ll always love you but she would say I love you or kiss me what must I do to win her back to me??? Help Me! I love her

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Is there any way to salvage this one?

Dear LaTeace,

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. Before we were an official couple (when we were ‘seeing each other’) I hooked up with an old flame. I cut off the old flame, and tried to be friends, which did not work out. My girlfriend is miserable every day about this, and it has taken a toll on our relationship, which I now believe is on the rocks. I’ve done all I can do to show her shes the one that matters most to me, I’m just out of ideas, as things still haven’t progressed at all.

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Two Years Running

I’ve been in a relationship for two years now. I recently found out that my other half has been going to her ex husband to talk to him about stressful life events. Of course she didn’t tell me she was doing this. As far as I knew they didn’t have a good relationship. The thing is she stopped talking to me completely about anything important. Should I be trying to prepare myself for the worst?

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Relationship

My girlfriend and I haven’t had sex since the day before she gave birth to our child. She says the reason is because I am not nice to her. I do everything for her and beyond. Sometimes I can say things that are mean or raise my voice. It has been over 1 year since we have had sex. We have touched each other 3 times in that year. What canI do to get her to have sex again?

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