Necessities

I think we can all agree that there are some basic necessities we must all have to survive: food, water, clothing and shelter. Now whether your food of choice is caviar or a burger and your beverage, a beer or Don Perignon has a lot to do with our value system as well as personal taste. Personally, I’m a blue jeans kind of guy, but have enough Georgio Armani suits hanging in my closet to keep my wife happy.

It’s so easy to get caught up in a race of one up man ship. “Keeping up with the Jones.” I’ve seen men motivated by a lot of things. Fear of loss certainly is a big motivator in our society. As a couple creates a union there are some things I think had better be ironed out before the knot is tied; and that’s necessities.

Before I ever got serious with a woman, my list of necessities was actually quite small. An apartment seemed just as good as a house and a couple pounds of bologna, a few loaves of bread and Kraft macaroni and cheese could sustain me for weeks. I remember one time I ate nothing but Taco Bell tacos for dinner for six months straight. (My god, do you know till this day, you can still get two tacos for 99¢.) What to wear, how to look, what to eat seemed like decisions low on the totem pole of life compared to striving after my real passion: work.

Success consumed me, not the trappings, the winning. There are many men that are no different. Einstein wore the same slacks and shirt practically everyday of his life. Now he had a lot of black pairs of the same pants, but he’d made a conscious decision that certain decisions weren’t worth worrying about day after day. What’s for dinner? What am I going to wear? That kind of thing.

If it weren’t for women, there would be a lot of men living very happy lives in huts. Women changed all for a man. For the most part, women raised our necessity bar to a new level. Women add humanity to men. Women create necessity. I think most women by nature have an appreciation for beauty that most times has to be taught to us men — us cave men.

When a man loves a woman he’ll want to lasso the moon for her. A task I’ve tried many times, only to fail. I think it’s important when a woman makes her lists of needs and wants and preferences and wishes, that she do so very carefully. Preferences can turn into needs and needs into necessities so a man can become overwhelmed very quickly. And when possessions take priority over your relationship, you’ve lost the war.

Necessities are necessary but please don’t make the list too long or you may get what you desire but lose us in the shuffle. “Possessions usually mean less once possessed,” a famous man once said. So don’t stray too far from the truth. It’s one thing to have a house as a home, but does a palace have to be your roof? If a couple can’t see eye to eye on what are priorities and what are preferences, they’re in for a rocky marriage. Not every man wants to be a multi-millionaire and not every woman would sacrifice time with her husband to live in a mansion.

The road map to a successful marriage lies in two people wanting to end up in the same place. So you’d better make sure you’re on the same page and for that matter reading the same book.

by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®